With the celebration of Valentine's Day, it can be easy for an individual to feel left out if they aren't spending the holiday with a significant other. While this is a common reaction, it is important to remember it's only one day and that focusing on self-love and self-compassion every day is a lasting achievement.
The practice of self-love and self-compassion is critical and essential to how we treat ourselves daily. Employee Assistance Program Director Annia Palacios shares that it is important to practice self-love because we spend the most time with ourselves. To maintain good health and relationships, we must start by loving ourselves first. Self-love does not come easy, especially because many spend their lives criticizing every aspect of themselves. So, if you are on a journey to find self-love, know that it will take time, but it will be worth it in the long run.
"This is the only body we get," Palacios said. "So, it’s important to be able to take care of ourselves and love who we are. Our brain naturally gravitates toward the negative because it's easier for us to think about all the critical things we don't like about ourselves. We are often judgmental and compare ourselves to others. It takes a lot of internationality to practice that self-love, but it's beneficial for our overall well-being so that we can feel content and happy with the person we are."
While practicing self-love can help maintain your physical, mental, and emotional health, it can also help your confidence when building new relationships.
"As we head into Valentine's Day, it is often about how we show love to others and how they show love to us. We have to be able to prioritize ourselves first and practice that love for ourselves so that we can be in a good place and be able to give that love to other people," Palacios said. “Energy is also contagious, so when others see that you're confident, love yourself, and comfortable in your skin, it attracts people to you."
Finding ways to practice self-love may be difficult, so Palacios suggests starting with discovering your love language and implementing those acts of kindness towards yourself.
"Many people are familiar with the five love languages. Those are all about how we like receiving love from other people. I encourage people to apply that to themselves," Palacios said. "If it's words of affirmation, practice giving that to yourself by looking in the mirror in the morning and saying something you love and appreciate about yourself. Stand in front of the mirror for five minutes and point out the positive things you love about your body and what you love about the person you are."
Achieving self-love is a goal for many, and while you're going through the stages to find that love, it is crucial not to mistake the happiness you get in that moment for loving yourself.
"We often mistake self-love and happiness," Palacios said. "Happiness exists in short spurts, meaning you could book a trip to go on a cruise, and that's going to make you happy. But that's not self-love because maybe it's not affordable. It might also make you happy to stay up late and binge your favorite shows, but that's not loving yourself because you need sleep. We need other things that fulfill us, not just looking for that instant gratification. We could be happy when we love ourselves, but self-love is not happiness."
Many people struggle with finding fulfillment in self-love because they feel it should happen instantly, but that is not the case. If a person has gone their whole life criticizing themselves, it's going to take time to undo the effects of self-criticism, so breaking down your goals into manageable pieces is crucial to your journey.
"It's not supposed to come easy, and that can be hard to hear," Palacios said. “So, while it's not a difficult concept in theory, it can take a lot of time to practice self-love. Knowing that it's a lifelong journey and taking those small moments and pushing through the discomfort until you begin to have this practice of looking for the positive and appreciating the person you are will ultimately help achieve self-love."